Ways to conserve

Packing up for a move has been a little hectic so I haven't really had much time for the usual reading and research I do. I am a bit polyphasic and a compulsive reader so this has been a bit of a withdrawal week for me. Lacking proper research time I thought I would just list seven of my own personal ideas on ways to conserve. You may want to adopt a few yourself.

1. Energy Conservation--There are many ways to conserve energy. One of the best is to move into a single level home. Stairs consume a great deal of energy and can be quite a drain on the system. Another is to buy an all in one multi-function remote control. I know I expend a great deal of energy every day just looking for the right remote especially when it slips into the crack of my lazy boy. What with a VCR, DVD, TV, CD and HD system finding the right remote can be very confusing and energy expending. And those multi-functions are about the size of a laptop so losing them is much more difficult. Having a spouse who loves to cook and clean can also help you save a lot of energy too.

2. Water Conservation--There are several solutions but the best option is just to skip the water and drink beer. Microbrew is the way to go. I've heard the big brewery stuff is pretty watered down and that kind of defeats the whole water conservation thing, don't you think.

3. Buy Less Stuff--This is an easy one. Shoplifting. If you do this right you would never have to buy anything ever again. It is difficult with big screen TV's but just take along your teenage son with the large pants.

4. Gas conservation--Eat less beans.

5. Fuel conservation--You could carpool or take the bus but then you have to put up with strangers. It is a known fact that drafting; driving so close to the vehicle in front you eliminate the wind drag; saves a ton of fuel. Your best option is to follow something large like a city bus. You need to be about six inches off the bus bumper for maximum effect. It may take longer to get where you are going since you have to pull to the curb quite often but at least you can listen to Pink Floyd "The Wall" on your own car stereo instead of having to use earphones on the bus. In your car you can crank up the volume and share your music with the rest of the world. Then you don't look quite as silly bobbing your head to the music when everyone can hear your one-hundred and twenty decibels of sound. One note though, if you already tailgate this may not be as effective.

6. Use less plastic--Just pay cash.

7. Use less paper--Well okay I had to at least do a little research on this one. I am compulsive after all. Here is just a few rather unique ways of using less paper from around the world as listed on www.toiletpaperworld.com .

*Hayballs, Scraper/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages

*Discarded sheep's wool in the Viking Age, England

*Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews from Spain and Portugal *Medieval Europe- Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick

*Corn cobs, mussel shell, leaves and sand- United States
*Water and your left hand, India

*Coconut shells in early Hawaii

*Lace was used by French Royalty

*Public Restrooms in Ancient Rome- A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick

*The Wealthy in Ancient Rome-Wool and Rosewater

*French Royalty-lace, hemp

*Hemp & wool were used by the elite citizens of the world

*Defecating in the river was very common internationally

*Bidet, France

*Snow and Tundra Moss were used by early Eskimos

Thanks for listening. One can't always be serious. Have a happy weekend!